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AnywhereOutsideTheThreeCountiesAreaPhobia is a rare medical condition in which the sufferer becomes a victim of severe headaches, nose bleeds and occasionally utter befuddlement when outside the Hertfordshire, Bedfordshire or Buckinghamshire area (and even High Wycombe has been known bring on symptoms).


Science has been unable to establish the cause, although one theory is that it is a psychological condition similar to Post Traumatic Stress brought on by driving half way across the country and completely failing to get a shag.

In this respect the psycho-pathology of the condition can be distinguished from WishIWasBackInYorkshire Syndrome and JustACheekyAussie Chorea, which involve leaving home and then whining constantly about how crap everywhere else is compared to home, but noticeably failing to return home.


With careful counselling the AnywhereOutsideTheThreeCountiesAreaPhobic can be nursed to a state where short trips outside the Three Counties Area are possible, for example going to London work or to an Airfix Kit convention. However, such journeys rarely last more than a few hours and a long rest period must follow.


The only known treatment is tea or, if circumstances permit, beer.

The is no cure for being from Yorkshire. Or Australia. Or indeed anywhere else that suffers from excessive self-romanticism.