Glorious Teachings for the Greater Glory of Our Glorious Leader

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Access restricted to officers of Over-Under Assault-Major or above

Order of the Day: “Obedience is Strength. Knowledge is Weakness. Literacy is Pgheskqr.”


Submitted for consideration by Ghast High Command, Propaganda Division: a broadcast on military themes shown regularly on British state television. Accurate analysis provides an important insight into the mentality of our weak mammalian enemies.


The broadcast, whose title translates into Ghastish as Army of the Father-Figure, gives an account of the military activities of a unit of veteran shock troops as they prepare for war. It is clearly intended to inspire ferocity and fanaticism in its viewers. Frequently, loud sounds of approval can be heard from a "live studio audience" – presumably this refers to some kind of rally.


The broadcast commences with a marching song in which humans mock and challenge their enemies and declare their readiness for war. A voice interrogates the enemy as to who they are fooling and threateningly declares that their “little game” will be ended. This is accompanied by decadent art involving triangles moving around on maps.

The broadcast is live-action. The commander of the unit can be identified by his short stature and optical enhancements, marking him out as a member of the leader-caste. He carries a rod under his arm with which to brutally enforce his orders. A theme is that his low social status inspires him to acts of ruthless fanaticism with which to win the approval of his superiors. This is clearly intended to incite imitation in the audience.

The commander is surrounded by his advisors, whose advanced age demonstrates their skill and cunning. Here, two officers can be seen. The one on the left is recruited from a northern berserker tribe called Scotland, and frequently gives voice to a savage warcry which translates as “All are doomed!”. When not in camouflage, he is depicted morbidly in a black uniform and top hat. The officer on the right sells raw meat and often hacks at flesh with cleavers, presumably in preparation for close assault. He frequently exclaims “Panic!” to inspire terror in his enemies.

Often, the commander upbraids a youthful soldier, who fulfils the same role as a drone in our army, for stupidity. Meanwhile, the heavy weapons operator makes frequent reference to his criminal activities, presumably to illustrate his dangerousness.

The broadcast inevitably concludes with live footage of the veterans advancing under fire, accompanied by martial music. Their lack of fear and contempt for their enemies is demonstrated by the slow, almost doddering, manner in which they move.


The purpose of this broadcast is clearly to provide an example for other humans to follow and to incite battle-readiness in its viewers. "Army of the Father-Figure" is evidently incredibly popular, as it is continuously being repeated on human television, and provokes bloodlust and fury in many humans whenever they see that it is on again. Indeed, I have it on good authority that at least one human has exclaimed “This again!” and gone into a rage even on hearing the opening titles.

Whilst we Ghasts, with our greater efficiency, would have rendered the aged veterans in this broadcast into (somewhat chewy) food long ago, they have considerable propaganda value to humans, who clearly view them as paragons of fighting-spirit. It is recommended that all efforts should be made to locate and storm their fortress of Walmington-On-Sea, which is clearly central to the British Space Empire's resistance to us.

Deniably certified by:

Storm-Commander and Battleship Captain 462.