Notable British And Allied Personnel

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Any enterprise undertaken by The British Space Empire requires a crack team of dedicated professionals - or, failing that, anyone credulous enough to take the job on. The following information was obtained by out sister publication Smithileaks and is presented as a matter of public interest and as a tribute to those who put sanity on the line for the good of the Empire..

Colonial Intelligence eyes only

(and that nice chap at the golf club, obviously)

John Pym crew and regular passengers

Isambard Smith

Rank Heritage
Captain British

Rumour has it that Smith was marked for greatness at the age of nine, when he consumed a third of his body weight in tiffin. There is a further rumour that the primary source of the original rumour is Smith himself.

Since then, he has pursued a career as the British Space Empire's greatest adventurer, but has yet to catch up with it.

He dislikes tyranny, alien invaders and French cuisine. In his free time he builds Airfix kits, drinks tea by the pint and tries to summon the courage to talk to Rhianna Mitchell.

- See main article: Isambard Smith

Polly R Carveth

Rank Heritage
Pilot Artificial (British Standards number pending)

Pollyanna R Carveth is the android pilot of the John Pym, being the only person qualified to fly it. She is also the chief engineer, being in possession of the Haynes Manual.

She has a profound dislike of danger, and considers herself an expert in cowering. She also runs the selling end of the ship's miniature herb garden.

Special Note: Colonial Intelligence is unable confirm rumours that she is a renegade pleasurebot. We note persistent rumours of a contract being issued for the assassination of Miss Carveth.

- See main article: Polly Carveth

Suruk the Slayer

Rank Heritage
Sidekick Morlock (M'Lak)

Wit, philosopher, man-about-town: Suruk the Slayer is none of these things.

Six feet five of deranged alien warrior, he is constantly on the lookout for honourable combat and skulls to put on his mantelpiece, and consequently handles tactics and boarding actions for the John Pym.

His interests include bladed weaponry, vendetta and erecting shelves to further display his skull collection.

He owes a debt of honour to Smith, who once rescued him from an unfortunate incident in Woolworths. He recently circulated this seasonal message

- See main article: Suruk The Slayer

Rhianna Mitchell

Rank Heritage
Passenger Free Galactic Spirit, supposedly.

Former employee of an organic food shop on the New Francisco Orbiter. Miss Mitchell looks after the spiritual welfare of the ship and her crew, although she occupies no formal position because she "won't be pigeonholed by the Man, okay?" (her words)

Her pacifism and revisionist attitude to washing do not sit well with the rest of the crew, but Captain Smith tolerates her on account of her kindness, mysterious powers and "gorgeous little arse" (his words).

Special Note: It is vital that Miss Mitchell is removed to safety from potential Ghast annexing of New Francisco. High-speed civilian vessel John Pym diverted to New Fran for immediate evacuation. Special Measures are to be taken to prevent her falling into Ghast hands.

- See main article: Rhianna Mitchell

Arwen Peter Wainscott (Eton, Sandhurst, Sunnydale Home for the Psychologically Uneven)

Rank Heritage
Major, Deep Space Operations Group Eccentric

Major Wainscott first came to our attention several years ago, when he single-handedly destroyed the Ghast space-docks at Salsa Secundus. Two years later, when we actually went to war with the Ghasts, he was the ideal man for the job and was duly liberated from medical custody. Since then he has accounted for countless enemy soldiers and a battleship (ours, unfortunately), fuelled by a fierce work ethic and the burning urge to make up for being named after a female elf.

Together with his hand-picked unit, the Deepspace Operations Group, Wainscott has overseen the rising of the beetle-people of Caldathro and the liberation of Urn. He is currently taking the war to the lemming-men of Yull, who consider him a fanatical lunatic and in many cases worship him as a god. Major Wainscott's hobbies include birdwatching, sabotage and nudity. His guide to guerilla warfare Small unit - deep penetration has remained a bestseller ever since his publishers began to sell it in a paper bag.

Other key British personnel


On-site case officer for the Service, chiefly involved in running the John Pym and Deepspace Operations Group. Currently uses cover story of journalist for Daily Monolith, left-leaning periodical. Noted for his phenomenal consumption of tea and frequent diatribes about the nobility of the common man. Refitted with artificial lung after sustaining throat wound during Ghast attack. Imagine Walsingham with less beard and more tweed.

Khan, H

Service director of the Acquisitions and Transport Department. Director of Valdane Shipping, former employer of Isambard Smith, and high-ranking Service employee. Noted for his girth and significant whiskers. Not noted for his Wrath.


Member of the Deepspace Operations Group. Probably the only person standing between Wainscott and utter catasrophe.

Others who help the British (often somewhat to their surprise and against their better judgement)

Rick Dreckitt

Just your average android assassin-about-town.